Once, ages ago, I told a therapist I was in a lull.
I meant creatively - my art felt far away. I was frustrated, resistant, and didn’t want this reality.
She responded, placidly:
So be in the lull.
This was one of those classic, I-don’t-want-to-hear-it-but-it’s-true moments of therapy. What I wanted was a way out of the valley; a way back to productivity and momentum. But what I needed was exactly what I got: a reminder that sometimes, in life, we just are where we are: and that is that: and that - is fine.
I’ve written about this a lot in our time together, after all (you and i, dear reader, you and i): the need to accept life where it is, as it is, as it shows up.
And yet, of course - of course - I still struggle with it, mightily. We teach what we need to learn, after all. I am only human, it turns out. Only human, after all.
Ambiguity is part of life; uncertainty is a constant. All we have is change, sand slipping through our fingers, seasons turning, turning. And yet, and yet.
And yet we resist it with all our being. We gnash and weep and scream and yell. Even when the uncertainty is self-created; even when we know the time-between is one we need; even when we can see the season changing ahead.
Still, we resist. We want productivity. We - sorry, I - want comfort, and known, and ease.
Ah, the wind whispers, smiling a bit, rustling my hair. That is not how this life goes.
I know …. I know.
As a related aside: I was looking up the etymology of the word unmoored the other day. This has been a word I’ve found myself using a lot lately - and I thought I’d see where it comes from. The origin was not that interesting (to me), but the chart that, apparently, Google has of usage over time - fascinated me.
Could it be that, culturally, we are in a bit of an in-between?
To those in a lull, a strange, an in-between: take heart. It will not always be such. Yes, life is this: it is change. But we also reach moments of mooring, of firmer ground. We shift and shuffle and move, and then we find again. Find what you can - as I told someone the other day - if I am uncertain, then I focus on what I can find: A long walk, a conversation with a friend, a session at the gym. Whatever yours is. Find the places that are structured, and held, and together - and lean on those.
Then: allow. Allow, allow, allow. In every way. More than you want to. Surrender. Let life move through you, live through you. Don’t fear. Change is good and in-between is beautiful. Does it feel like it? No. Do you enjoy it? Probably not.
But is it necessary - somehow - someway - for the route through this one wild and precious, glorious and curious, tough and magnificent, beautiful, strange, roaring, careening, keening - life?
Yes.
That’s all for this week, friends. Do take care.
cutest doodles I've ever seeeeen!!